Smile a little smile for me…

The so-called Glutton Queen didn’t mince her words in a recent post as she’s been pulling her hair out and drowning her poor chipmunk Alvin with her drool over my food posts and mar was crying out for mercy and compassion. So too bad, andrew…this is not going to be another food post!

Bongkersz sent me an sms yesterday saying how tired he was after a long day at work, so I told him NOT to go and see my previous post. Didn’t want him salivating away, as that would be adding insult to injury! And indeed, sometimes in life, the drudgery may get on you down…but I guess that’s something each and every one of us has to endure and learn to live with. For one thing, we can always look on the bright side – the weekend is just a day away…and next week, May 1st is a public holiday…and you should be getting your paycheck in a few days (Got mine yesterday, so eat your heart out!!! Hehehehehehehe!!!!!!), or we can look around for things that may delight us (Nope! I’m NOT going to talk about food!) – a song that may bring back pleasant memories or pictures that may make us…smile!

Well, clare aka The Glutton Queen was grumbling about somebody’s poor spelling yesterday, but can you beat this one?

 

Gee! The guy who painted that must be dyslexic!!! And since we’re touching on the topic of language, we should always be cautious of what we say because the meaning that we wish to get across may be different from what is originally intended, as in this case…

Besides, the human mind is a very strange thing…and at times, all kinds of funny ideas may crop up in our heads! Cocka sent me the following…and instantly, I thought, “Gosh!!! That old Cock(a) couldn’t afford Madonna’s bustier so he had to settle for Sponge Bob’s instead!” LOL!!!!!

In life. at times, we need to stop and stare count what little blessings that we may have. Aren’t you glad you’re not caught in this situation…..?

…or when we complain about our police personnel, we should be thankful we don’t have any like these…

I got the pics via email from people here, there and everywhere; now you’ve a fair idea of the things they send to me! Thus, I’m afraid I am unable to acknowledge the sources, but anyway, should there be any copyright infringement involved, do let me know and I’ll have the pictures removed instantly. Thanks. In the meantime, I hope they can bring smiles to some, if not all, of your faces! That’s right, do smile a little smile for me, won’t you? 

The name of the game…

I dropped in at zewt’s earlier and he had something like this. You can just hop over to check it out! (Hey, Zewt! You owe me one there!!!) Well, I have always loved pop quizzes! Sometimes, when listening to the radio, I would bet with the others;the first one to guess the title of the song would win a mark. The one I have here is based on a series of pictures and you will have to guess the titles AND the singers/groups that sang them.  The pictures are part of a series in a power point presentation that I used a few years ago when I was running a course for teachers, probably just for ice-breaking…and there was this Mat Salleh consultant who could get all the answers in a jiffy and spoilt all the fun! Darn! Anyway, wanna give it a try?

This one is from the 50’s…

What about this one from the 70’s ? Many people have recorded covers of this song, so just the original singers will do…

The next one’s from the 70’s too or was it the 80s…but some rock group revived it later, maybe in the 90’s… The names of both, please! LOL!

And these two are from the 80’s…

What’s the prize? Anyone who gets it all correct, if he/she comes to Sibu, will get free food and lodging provided at Hotel California Suituapui…plus some karaoke sessions thrown in for good measure too!!! Sounds good? LOL!!!!

Oops! I did it again!

OK, ladies! Before you all come up in arms against me, hurling all kinds of insults at me and calling me all kinds of names, do let me explain! Well, nature has this uncanny way of keeping a balance in things. As a man grows older, he grows fatter in the middle (his waistline) and thinner at the top (his hair). He grows broader around the waist and narrower in the mind. And as he begins to lose his hearing and sense of smell, his fart grows louder…and smellier! Considering that, therefore, wouldn’t this be the ideal safety belt for the poor suffering wife? ROTFLMAO!!!

Well, I received the following poem today via email (Thanks, Christie! That was a good one!) and I was quite tickled by it. Thus, I would like to share it with all of you…hoping that you’ll like it too!

A fart it is a pleasant thing
It gives the belly ease
It warms the bed in winter
And suffocates the fleas

A fart can be quiet
A fart can be loud
Some leave a powerful
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short
Or a fart can be long
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song

A fart can create
A most curious medley
A fart can be harmless
Or silent and deadly

A fart might not smell
While others are vile
A fart may pass quickly
Or linger a while

A fart can occur
In a number of places
And leave everyone there
With strange looks on their faces

From wide-open prairie
To small elevators
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later

But farts are all bad
Is simply not true-
We must never forget
Sweet old farts like you!

Goodness gracious me!

Regular listeners to the afternoon show on TraxxFm (1-4pm) would be familiar with this song with Sophia Loren as the patient and Peter Sellers as a doctor, an Indian one at that with a peculiar Indian accent. Then, there is S.H. Tan who had a hilarious anecdote about a Chinese fruit seller at Petaling Street and a Malay customer. Furthermore, some of you may know the Malay stand-up comic, Datuk Jamali Shadat, who shot to fame when he emerged 1st runner-up in Bakat TV 1970 (or was it 1971?) . He would have the audience in stitches, speaking in all kinds of accents from the various communites in the country. And of course, there’s the one-time very popular TV sit-com, “Mind Your Language”. Remember “Mr. Blown” (pronounced Bla – uan)? All in good fun, I would say…and definitely not intended to offend or insult any sector of the population, but some people saw it fitting to impose a ban on the speaking of Malay in any other accent.  Anyway, that is not the concern of this post.

Despite being an English Language teacher before, I, for one, would not insist on R.P. or the Queen’s English even though there are people who would speak as if they are gargling with marbles or the mouth is stuffed with mashed potatoes. Some students (young upstarts!) would do that, probably because of their home environment or for other reasons known only to them. I would let them speak that way as long as they were comfortablle with it AND as long as they did not make any structural or grammatical errors. Then I would snap their heads off, barking, “You speak like you’ve been living overseas all your life and you don’t even know the simple tenses???”

Whatever it is, there can be no denying that in many cases, a person’s mastery of a language may be affected by his/her mother tongue. Here in Sibu with the predominant Foochow population, it comes as no surprise that there is some negative interference when it comes to the speaking of the English Language. In Form One, the poor kids have to wrestle with Shakespeare’s “Life’s Brief Candle”…and imagine them having to recite, “Thu..mo..lo…, thu..mo..lo.., thu..mo..lo..” which in Foochow, means “No more, no more, no more!”

And what do you think they mean when they appear at the door and ask, “May I khang nging, please? (“Khang nging” in Foochow means “to see”), I would retort, “Khang nging no miang?” (What do you want to see?) The truth of the matter is they want to COME IN but somehow, they have a problem saying “come”. A college lecturer suggests that in their dialect, every word ends with a vowel (mouth open) so they cannot handle a word for which they have to close the mouth at the end. As for ending words with “ng”, the lecturer says that a look at their surnames may explain the whole thing – Wong, Ting, Ling and so on.

Unfortunately, as their English teacher, I had to try and rectify the problem and I assure you it was no easy task. However, I would think that language is for communication and once communication is established, what does it matter? Only when communication breaks down, therein lies the problem like this story that I heard some time ago.

The English would pronounce “no” in a manner that it sounds something like “nau” while Asians would just say ‘no’ as the spelling dictates.   So once, there was this Chinese pilot; as his aircraft was approaching Heathrow Airport, he contacted the control tower saying, “Lequestin permission to rand?” The runways were congested, so the guy at the control tower replied, “No! No!” The pilot heard, “Now! Now!” and landed…..

Obvious…

I was at a coffee shop enjoying a bowl of mouth-watering kam pua when somebody came up to me and said, “Chiak mee ah?” (Eating noodles?) Now how was I supposed to respond? No, I’m keeping it all in my mouth, so when I get home, I can spit it all out to feed my kids!!!

Or I was sitting in the cineplex waiting for the movie to start. Then somebody walked in and he asked, “Khua hee kah?” (Watch movie kah?) No, my wife threw me out of the house, so I’ve no place to have a nap!!!

Now why on earth do people have to ask the obvious? These are just two instances…but if you think about it, it happens all the time.  You’re up to your neck in work at the office and they ask you, “Busy?”  You’ve just got home and your neighbour asks, “Just got home kah?” Grrrrr……

If there has to be such small talk as an indication of friendliness, they should at least come up with something that is not a mere statement of the obvious.

And don’t you hate it when somebody phones you at home and asks, “Chee leh si lang air choo hio?” (Is this somebody’s house?) I guess what they want to know is whether they’ve called up somebody’s residence and not an office, but I am always tempted to reply, “No, this is somebody. I’m sorry my house can’t talk!”

Or they’ll ask you, “Where is this?” Many a time have I responded, “Now YOU tell me! You made the call and you don’t know where this is???” And once there was this poor fella who called and asked, “Kopi Tiam hia?” (Is this a coffee shop?) I was tempted to say, “No, this is a coffin shop. How many do you want?” However, I refrained from doing so and quietly replied, “Yes, what would you like?” He promptly placed his orders and hung up;I smiled with glee at the thought of that presumptious nincompoop cursing and swearing at some poor coffee shop people once his patience started to wear out.

Oops…I’ve digressed, but never mind. Anyone has anything like that to share?

It’s only words…

Language changes with time despite the fact that purists would insist on the conventional structures and archaic vocabulary.  There is this joke about St Peter.  Keeping vigil at the gates of Heaven as usual, he heard a knock on the door.

“Who goes there?” he asked.

“It is I,” the voice outside replied.

“Oh no!” St Peter groaned,. “Not another English teacher!”

People have been saying, “It’s me,” for so long that it is generally accepted and no longer considered as being grammatically incorrect, though some people (English teachers?) may not agree.

In the same way, some words seem to have acquired new meanings along that way. In the past, if a person remained “cool“, he was calm, or the word was used to describe the temperature in the vicinity. Today, if I say, “He’s cool!”, he is probably nice, interesting, fashionable, trendy or something along those lines. During my time, we used the word “groovy” – a word that evolved during the hippie/flower power era in the 70s.

Besides, some words have frequently been abused to the extent that one would have to use them with caution for out of context, they may bring to mind some not-very-desirable connotations.  Thus when Little Red Riding Hood said, “What big teeth/jaws you have, grandma!” and the wolf replied, “All the better to EAT you with,” the meaning conjured in some individuals’ minds may be different from what is originally intended. So when Bongkersz was in town, I was careful enough not to ask him, “Now, what would YOU like to EAT???” Instead, I suggested, “Would you like some Foochow fried noodles with freshwater prawns for breakfast?” Phew! That was close! ROTFLMAO!!!

I remember when the tiny sultanate attained independence from British colonial rule, the headline on the front page of a local newspaper read: “Brunei goes gay!!!” Of course, the reference was to the happy, joyous celebrations held at the time but today, the word has been associated with something totally different. And when someone talks about the Queen of England, one can never be sure whether he means Elizabeth the 2nd or Sir Elton John, and likewise, if you tell people you are going to a fancy dress party as a fairy, one will wonder if you have a magic wand in hand…or you have a fetish for one! Catch the drift?

And those of you who love croaking, oops…I mean, karaoke-ing, especially if you are a guy and love the Carpenters (Yup! Cibol and gang! Bet you all know one such person? LOL!), avoid “Jambalaya” at all cost, as the lyrics go:

“Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be GAY-o! Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou!”

P.S.: And you can ask your Foochow-speaking friend what “Ba-You” means in the dialect. LOL!!!

My first tag…

Gosh…I’ve barely started and now I’ve been tagged, thanks to some unpretentious individual!!! Thank God it’s a simple one and not one of those with very awkward questions. So, Man-D, here goes…

~~Begin Copy~~

This is the easy way and the fastest way to :
1. Make your Authority Technorati explode
2. Increase your Google Page Rank.
3. Get more traffic to your blog.
4. Make more new friends.

Rules :
1. Start copy from “Begin Copy” until “End Copy” to your blog.
2. Put your own blog name and link.
3. Tag your friends as much as you can.

Picturing of Life
Juliana’s Site
Shower Your Children With Love – The Right Way
Life’s a journey, not a destination
Simple Life
Life is beautiful; Life is love
Lovely Mummy
Lemonjude
Faith,Hope,Love
Newife Blog
Good things in life…
…the Guru-Guru life…
ezooone@seweng
Emelda
Unpretentious Me

Sense & Senility

~~ End Copy ~~

Like dat? Oops…mine not linked! Never mind! If u are reading this, u are already in my blog! Wakakakakakaka!!!! And I’m nice guy, don’t wanna tag anybody (Truth is dunno how! ROTFLMAO!!)

Update: Hooray!!! Linked already!!!! Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks???

High…

Bongkersz posted a video in his blog featuring Lighthouse Family’s HIGH a day or two ago.  I have always liked the band especially the first album, if I’m not mistaken, it was the first, POSTCARD FROM HEAVEN or something and I particularly love the song LOST IN SPACE.  Well, I’m not going to post the video here (Truth betold, I don’t know how!), so if you want to watch, you can go to bongkersz.com or search for it on youtube.

Now, what I am going to share is a story that the title of the song brings to mind.  I had a collection of books by S.H.Tan, but people borrowed from me and did not return, so now I only have one left! @#$%&+#!! I can recall a story in one of them about this Mat Salleh woman who went to a tailor in KL. She wanted to have a dress made.

Now, while the tailor was taking her measurements, she kept telling him, “More high! More high!” Mini skirts were in fashion at the time, you see. But the tailor kept shaking his head and gesturing to indicate the negative.  The woman was furious and started to raise her voice, “MORE HIGH! MORE HIGH!” The poor man had no choice so he obliged and instantly received a slap on his face. A fight ensued…until the police came to the scene to settle the matter.

The tailor told the police everything that had transpired while the Mat Salleh was frantically demanding that justice be done! Finally, everything was sorted out. The police officer explained to the Mat Salleh woman that it was all a misunderstanding. “You see, M’am,” he said, “MORE HIGH in Cantonnese means to touch the private part, so the tailor was merely carrying out your instruction…”

Disclaimer: I don’t know Cantonese and this was what I read in the book, so if MORE HIGH means some other thing, then I will hold no responsibility for that. LOL!!!