Here in Sarawak, we have what is called the rural air services between the towns, particularly the small ones where the airfields are not big enough for the bigger aircrafts. To get to these places, we will have to use the 19-seater Twin Otter…
*Jimmy’s photo from his Facebook album*
I’ve flown in these small planes many times before, the first few times to Mukah, a coastal town around 3 hours by road from Sibu. On one of the earliest occasions, I remember checking in at the counter and the airline personnel, without looking up at me, asked, “What’s your weight?”
“100,” I replied.
Instantly, he lifted his head, asking, “Kilos?” Tsk! Tsk! What did you think it was, you nincompoop, I murmured silently to myself. Pounds? But knowing what was best for me, I just nodded quietly…and counted my blessings that he did not insist on weighing me and my luggage altogether. I heard that they would do that on such flights and if one was too heavy, he or she would have to buy another ticket.
On another occasion, I booked a taxi to the airport/airfield…and a man in a van came to pick me up. He drove around all the hotels in the town to pick all the others who would be taking the same flight to Sibu. At the airport, we went to check in at the counter…and lo and behold! That same man, the van driver, appeared to check us all in. Then I saw him again – this time, pulling the cart with all the luggage to put inside the aircraft. I thought to myself, “If he is going to be the one flying the plane, I will walk all the way home to Sibu.” Luckily, he did not.
But that was not all! There were only three passengers on that flight. Inside the plane, there are single seaters on the left and double seaters on the right…
*Jimmy’s photo from his Facebook album*
I chose to sit on the double seaters as the single seats would not be big enough to accommodate half of my butt! Other than that, the seat belt was so short – just long enough for me to use as an arm sling!
Just as everyone was settling in comfortably to wait for the pilot to get on board and fly the plane, the man appeared again. “Uncle! Uncle!” he hollered at me. (He was no spring chicken himself, calling me uncle!!!) Then, he blatantly ordered me out loud, “Uncle, you’re so fat…you sit on this side!” @#$%^&*!!!!!
I also took the plane once from Miri to Marudi. It was an uneventful flight and when the plane had landed, we all disembarked. The door of the aircraft would double as the staircase for boarding and disembarking…and there was a plastic-wrapped wire attached which could be used as a makeshift handrail. I had two bags so there was no way I could hold on to it as I got off the plane. Thus. I bounced down the steps one by one…and got off safely without tumbling over.
As I was walking to the terminal building, I noticed that the people were all looking somewhat amused. Then, I spotted my friends who were there to wait for me and they too were smiling. Curious, I asked them what was so funny. Imagine my indignation when they replied, “As you were walking down the steps of the plane, the wings flapped as if it was going to fly off,” and the two burst out laughing, unable to control themselves any longer.
And to add insult to injury, I was out browsing around the shops the other day when I spotted these…
Omigawd!!! How could they? Call me fat, overweight, obese, XOS (extra-oversized), horizontally-challenged…or whatever you want but to call me a “lard’s bucket” is really pushing it too far! I think I’ll just go and kill myself. Bye-bye, cruel world…bye-bye! Sobssss!!!!!!
...STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! 
Lard-Bucket’s briefs… That’s a good one. Where did they get the translation?
Normally it’s rice bucket – “pui thang“, meaning useless which isn’t half as bad…but then again, pui is rice and pui is also fat/lard with a slight difference in intonation. 😦
ha ha ha Arthur, I can’t stop laughing until I am having stomach ache now. You are so funny!! I like the getting off the aircraf part. I am trying to imagine you bounching down the stairs with two bags in your hand 🙂
😦 Tsk! Tsk! Don’t let your imagination run wild now! LOL!!! 😀
Uncle uncle! If that spring chicken had addressed you Ah Pui Ko ok or not? haha. What a post you got me cracking 7early 8 early in the morning. lolz..
I would have dumped my luggage on his head and got arrested for assault….or maybe even murder! LOL!!! 😀
I’m back was rushing for my appointment this morning now got more time to comment. Reason for you to sit the other side becoz they have allocated the weight accordingly. Was taken by surprise during my first small plane flight in Grand Canyon where the same applies gotta go on a weighing machine and later the ground crew would inform where we are supposed to sit. End of the day they award us with a certificate signed by the pilot that we ‘survived’ hahaha.
Good grief! They make it sound so scary to go on the flight. I wouldn’t want to go on one…no, thank you. 😦
Heard the smaller planes are much safer than those on turbine engines coz they are able to glide even the kipas kaput but then need a proper place to land and that’s the most tricky part. About the Lard-bucket brief don’t kill yourself yet you didn’t read the fine print it says “soft&sensual” woh making you sexy wearing one..~;).
Yes, yes…that’s a consolation…and maybe that refers to fat people like me too – so soft and so sensual! Ummmmm!!!! LOL!!! 😀 Ya, I read somewhere that Twin Otters have a very clean track record – no problem one. 😉
I flew in one of those twin otters years ago. It’s an experience.
I actually enjoyed the flights except the one to Lawas – see my reply to Stella’s comment below. The pilot would get on board when everyone’s settled in, make the necessary announcements, start the engine and take off… No aircon – just those little fans by the side…but once airborne, it was quite cool in the plane. The only problem was in the event of bad weather, the flight would be cancelled. 😦
LOL!! lard buckets brief?? Omg, they do get creative nowadays eh the marketing people.
Really an experience to be able to sit in those planes. I myself haven’t had the chance to climb on one of those yet. Did you know when I started reading your first couple of paragraph, i was under the impression that you flew the plane yourself as the pilot. XD
Uncle! 😛
You can call me uncle, no problem – after all, I’m older than your father. Hehehehehe!!!! 😉 What creativity is that? A sheer case of bad English – and coming from the Chinese, it’s really no surprise. Tsk! Tsk!
Wah, you are a very good and interesting writer! Thumbs up! I can’t help laughing at how you wrote about your account or ‘ordeal’! Very well-written to bring the humour, wit and spark about the things or challenges that fat (oops!) people go thru in this seemingly mundane life!
P/S: I agree with Richard….it’s very witty of the manufacturer to concoct the term ‘lard bucket’! That’s a good one! ^_^
What witty? If you go to the classier shops, there are sections for “plus-size” ladies… They certainly know how to put it quite nicely. Glad you enjoyed reading this post . It’s really interesting, fun even…to be fat. LOL!!! 😀
Many yrs ago my family went on one of those chartered scenic flight over the Grand Canyon.We flew in a plane exactly like yours enough for 8-10 passengers. N yes, we also get weighed before getting on the plane. A couple who were on our flight, were really more than 6xxxxxxlllll(so u can console yourself) n the wife looking very much like Aretha Franklin! We quickly offered the front seats to them while we all sat right at the back near the emergency exit. At first the couple want to sit together but was told each have to sit on different sides! LOL! It was quite an apprehensive feeling when we flew to the valley part of the canyon….but thank goodness all went well!
It was quite nice really…like going on some kind of excursion in a hobby plane. It flew so low I could see people on the ground, in their houses…and it felt as if I could jump off anytime. But going to Lawas was scary as it had to go down a deep valley to land – you look left, you see the side of the mountain…and you look right, you see the side of the mountain too and I closed my eyes – felt like it was going to crash into the hill slopes. That was many years ago – I wonder if it’s still like that today…
I’ve only taken the Twin Otter once! I really liked it, it’s a totally different flight experience. 😀
Lard Bucket briefs? Is that bad translation from China or is it an intentional marketing tactic? I can’t figure it out from the packaging.
I haven’t the slightest idea. Rather offensive, don’t you think? Anyway, Chinese people aren’t known for being very tactful, are they? Plus they are notorious internationally for their abuse of the Engrish Ranguage… Even a name like Piggy’s briefs would at least come across as…cute. LOL!!! 😀 Actually, I’m like you – I quite liked my flights on the Twin Otter too… 😉
HAHAHAHAHA what a creatively contemptuous term for the fatties, oopsies!! this post is sooo funny. ever thought of reducing those weight? 😀
is it scary riding on these tiny planes? did it shake a lot in the air? cos a lot of plane crashes came from these sort of flights. :X
No, not scary at all – very relaxing, very pleasant. I think I get a lot more worried when flying in those huge aircrafts – I would never ever want to go on the 380, not after so much bad press. As they say, the bigger you are, the harder you fall…so no, thank you. Me? Lose weight? I am, I think… Everyone says I’m slimmer these days…but I reckon it’s old age – I’m shrinking! Muahahahahaha!!!!!
Hahahahahahhaahaha really farnee post!
Jack of all trades huh?! I would have freaked out too if the taxi driver was the pilot too.
Still trying to visualize the wings flapping as you were getting off the plane! Wakakakakakakaka hahahahahahahaha hehehehehehehehe
+Ant+
Humph!!! Go ahead! Laugh…laugh to your heart’s content…at my expense. I think it was all very funny too… 😀
I flew twice in small planes. The one to Koh Samui freaked me out though coz whilst in the air, I noticed a guy in orange overalls and later found out that he was an airplane maintenance engineer on standby ISH! On the return flight home, the airline (gone kaput) had to enlist the help of Berjaya Air to send us home coz their plane’s engine really broke down. I think I became more religious after that! ROFL
+Ant+
Thai ones? In the end, had to get a Malaysian plane eh? This one is MAS, no less… Been flying for years, no problem! 🙂
Hahaha… you can make a miserable experience sound so funny.
My ex-students would tell you that I was so very funny…or you can ask Shereen. When she was here, she would laugh so much at my stories until her face was all wet with tears – that was part of the fun that made her enjoy her visit to Sibu so much, I guess. 😉
Darn hillarious post. Cant help laughing at the flapping wings. You sure have a sense of humour
You should know me well enough by now. I’m a very funny man… LOL!!! 😀
It was a Malaysian air carrier. It went bust only after operating for a few years.
Just like when AirAsia took over the rural are services here – they called their airline Fax. The aircrafts were in pretty bad shape and the flights were delayed or cancelled ever so often. Eventually they gave up and MAS had to resume servicing these sectors…
Sorry STP… I AM ALSO LAUGHING WHEN I READ THAT PART.. you came bouncing down like the plane was going to fly….hahahaha…. sorry ah…. sorry.. it is your fault, not ours!! U made this post so comical..even without pictures, you can made us laugh!! This shows how “incredible” your english is..not your weight! hahahaaaa….
Yes, yes, no need to apologise…I tagged this post under HUMOUR – all for the sake of making people laugh. I find it very funny too, not a problem at all. 😉
i feel sad reading this post…maybe because I can relate with this 😦
I am quite comfortable with myself being fat so I do not have any problem with whatever people say. Learn to laugh with people…and they will laugh with you, not at you. But then you’re young – eat wisely, exercise regularly to stay slim…but for health reasons, more than anything else.
Mebbe I dun have any sense of humour. I dun think that this post is funny…but I feel disgusted at the fact that some people can be insensitive towards other people’s feeling… asking people’s weight and rather rude when addressing other people.
I am not a plus size lady, far from it… but I really hate it when people discriminate plus size people like this…and ordering people about? that’s just plain rude. No manners!
Sorry Cikgu… other people find this funny, but there’s not a single line you wrote is funny to me. 😦 This is just a sad post. 😦
Yes, you do not have a sense of humour…and half the time, or more, you would be miserable because you will be hurt deeply by things that are of no big deal. People do hurl insults at skinny people as well, don’t they?
I was at an international English Language seminar once and I had to present something. All my presentations over the years were peppered with jokes – about anything under the sun…including me being fat (and sex)…and after that, an Indian man (dunno from Malaysia or India) stopped me when we met and he said, “You are a great man! It takes a really great man to be able to laugh at himself.”
There is a difference when people call me, “Ah Pui” (fatso) fondly, affectionately, endearingly…and when they call out with the intent to insult or hurt – we should be able to tell the difference and even in the case of the latter, being upset about it only hurts ourselves (and pleases them all the more), nobody else. I’d just let it bounce off me like rubber balls. Let it pass – there are worse things in life than this – no need to be oversensitive about it or else you will end up living your whole life in misery. You may not be able to do anything about other people but you definitely can do something about yourself.
My Quay Lo and I were reading this post of yours and he wants me to convey his empathy to you! hehe… He feels your pain and glad to know he is not alone… hehe.. We want to thank you for brightening up our Sunday morning! Oh Lard bucket’s brief got 4XL ar? LOL!
The biggest is XXXXXXL. Your Quay Lo wants kah? Muahahahahaha!!!! No pain lah… So used to it. I’m this shape and size all my life, more or less…except at one stage, so vain and wanted to look slim and nice – almost starved myself to death! LOL!!! 😀
We were on the road for almost 10 hours yesterday and got back home quite late. Had our bath and straight to bed with Ipads for the adults and Macbook for the boy. I checked out your blog and started laughing non stop and that got the other 2 curious and started to log in your blog for a read…and they too started laughing until tears streamed down our faces and langsung pecah mengantuk! You are one hell of a natural storyteller..lol!
Actually, You are not that huge although the impression that you give people like as if you are a giant. Your ability to laugh at yourself makes everyone at ease around you and that is a gift very few of us have. Your response to Cleffairy was spot on especially on the last paragraph…if you can’t laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? If I laugh at a fat joke, it does not mean that I’m being mean but am laughing at the spirit in which it is given. Anyway, my family and I really enjoyed this post..lol!
Hah!!! I knew you all would enjoy this post. I’ve so many funny stories to share – old man mah…but I think I’d better save them for your next visit to Sibu. Nanti, we sit there – I look at you and you look at me, no more stories to tell. Muahahahahaha!!!! 😀
You know what….some other countries, whereby you need to fly to another rural areas (I meant really kampung area), you might be just sitting beside a goat or sheep..LOL!! That’s what my uncle had experience before….
LOL!!! Thank goodness no such thing here…unless you travel by bus – you may have to sit right next to a fighting cock. 😀
hahahhahahhaha..interesting post!! I never sit on those small plane before. I think it will be a very good experience!
Sad to said i never been to Mukah, Marudi and those small places in Sarawak.
Eh, next time just get boxer better. ahhahahhahah
It is indeed a very pleasant experience. Ya…now city girl, of course, will never go to these small towns but Mukah, go for the seafood – simply the best lah! Cheap and really very nice.
Oh this is a funny yet pretty sad post 😦 Oh and Lard Bucket, it’s used here to call anyone that is “plus sized” / Chubby. The names they call people these days, not stopping to think how hurtful they could be
No lah. I think it is more a case of Bad English… The Chinese are notorious for that! Look at the caption – “soft and sensual”….The underwear or fat people? LOL!!!