I am bored, bored…BORED! And I am sure you would be too if you were confined to this tiny space with hardly anything to do. But believe it or not, they say that I am one of the lucky few. At least I am still alive unlike my next of kin, God bless their souls and may they rest in peace. According to them, I am an endangered species, about to be wiped out from the face of the earth.
Well, who wouldn’t be when people hunt you down like flies? No doubt our luxuriant gold fur with black stripes is the envy of all and besides, I am an exotic delicacy. They believe that eating my meat will make them strong, agile, ferocious and brave, and as if that is not bad enough, they even extract our teeth and grind our bones to dust for medicinal purposes. They are supposed to be effective remedies for fevers and all kinds of human ailments.
And heaven forbid! The last straw is when they even dine on our genitals for virility. Thank goodness, some doctor somewhere has come up with Viagra or we will never hear the end of it, no pun intended. Now I no longer have to cross my legs everytime somebody approaches! LOL!
Oh, if you will excuse me, dinner is served, not that there is anything to look forward to though. Here, the menu never changes, so we get the same huge chunks of beef every day – raw, mind you! They do not even have the courtesy to ask whether I would prefer it rare, medium or well done. Boy, I certainly hope that the meat is safe for consumption. Now that my kind is being threatened with extinction, you cannot afford to have me ending up with the mad cow disease, can you?
I just could not believe my ears the other day when I overheard someone commenting that we are an enviable lot – eating and sleeping all day. Allow me to enlighten you a little, sir, but I would much rather hunt for my own sustenance, thank you. All this inactivity is beginning to take a toll on me; my muscles are wasting away and my claws are no longer as sharp as they used to be, and the thrill of stalking your own prey – gosh, how I miss that most of all!
Hey kid! Can’t you read? The sign up there says, “Don’t feed the animals!” Shucks! Quit throwing your popcorn at me! Surely you know that I am carnivorous and not on a vegetarian diet. I will just scare the living daylights out of him with one mighty roar. Here goes…ROARRRR! Ha..ha..! Did you see that little imp’s face turn as pale as sheet? Oh, come on, madam! Can’t you see I was just having a little fun? Now that is too much really! Didn’t anybody tell you that it is unbecoming for a lady to use that sort of language in public? And shouldn’t you be keeping an eye on that little brat of yours? I think it is about time you teach him some manners and obviously, you can do with a lesson or two yourself.
Huh! Some people simply know how to ruin your day. I think I will just settle down for a snooze and who knows, I may even get to dream of my home sweet home, deep in the heart of the jungle.
...STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS! 